While looking back on her two divorces in a new interview with People, Valerie Bertinelli made some vulnerable confessions about her love life and revealed that she’s “never really experienced” true love.
The 65-year-old was most recently married to Tom Vitale from 2011 to 2022. Previously, she was married to musician Eddie Van Halen, with whom she welcomed a son in 1991. Van Halen died in 2020 after a battle with cancer.
During the interview, Bertinelli described the impact that her two divorces had on her outlook on love.
“Two divorces behind me, I felt like a failure. I didn’t know what love actually meant, really, real true (love). Ed and I had it for glimpses, but I really never really experienced it for any length of time. And I still haven’t. You know, Ed was the closest I’ve ever come to feeling true true love,” she said.
Two years after her divorce from Vitale, Bertinelli went public with her boyfriend Mike Goodnough. The couple went their separate ways less than a year later.
Bertinelli was quick to acknowledge that one major thing has made her hesitant to dive into romantic relationships in the past.
“I don’t feel safe and I don’t trust people a lot. So safety is a huge thing for me. And it’s fascinating that I don’t always pick men that make me feel safe. Or, they do in the beginning and then they change their minds,” she said.
Looking to the future, Bertinelli is open to romance if it’s with the right person, but she’s not eager to fall head over heels.
“I’m very happy being alone right now because I feel safer. I don’t know how to feel safe around a man. I know I can. I know I’ve learned a lot,” she said.
Looking ahead to the future, Bertinelli knows exactly what she’s looking for in a partner and when she will share him with the rest of the world.
“And if I ever do start dating again, I ain’t talking about it for a long time. I gotta see if it works out first,” she said. “I don’t want butterflies. I don’t like them. It feels like anxiety. Limerence is not love. Don’t want that. I want calm. I want safe. I want emotional safety. I haven’t had that in a long time. In fact, I’ve had quite the opposite of it where it’s frightening.”
In return, Bertinelli wants to give her future partner the same level of security.
“I want someone to feel emotionally safe with me, like they can open up and be vulnerable with me because I’ll protect that and I want to feel protected. And I haven’t experienced that either where my vulnerability has been respected and held on to,” she said.
When her marriage to Vitale ended, Bertinelli said she was tempted to swear off romance forever.
“After my second divorce, I was like, ‘I hate men,’” she recalled.
Now, she’s more open to a relationship when the time is right.
“I mean, love, when it’s right, can be magical. And one day I might get that, but I also have to be OK with one day not getting it. So that’s where I’m at. I love my life right now. Every time I think I want to share it with a man, I’m like, ‘But do I?’” she said.
This article was originally published on TODAY.com